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Friday, 23 October 2009

Thursday, 15 October 2009

  • Back to work today. I had the whol;e of last weekend off (Fri,Sat and Sun) because i had the flu- more importantly it may have been Swine Flu, i had all the symptoms for it. I still feel like shit now. When i get up in the mornng everything's a struggle. It's a struggle up until 12pm, then after 3pm i go down hill again. I can't eat very well. It's just taken me 3 mins to eat a bowl of Bran flakes, and i have to have something else because i won't eat again until after 5pm (my boyfriend's around tody so i have no choice). I lost quite a bit of weight whilst i was ill. I'm ecsttically happy about it, but it never goes off the one place i want to get rid of it the most- my bum. I'm so fucking fat.

Saturday, 10 October 2009

  • Thank God

    I came on, i'm not pregnant. I actually overted my eyes untoward the ceiling and whispered: "Thankyou!" I would make a terrible mother, i can't even look after my self.
    Delerium kicked in with the flu tablets, and i kept on asking Richard if he would phone my Mom and get her to come stay with me. Pathetic. I thought i saw my Dad at one point, then my eyes opened and i realised it was a dream. But the best i've had in ages, so vivid i could almost touch him. I'd give anything to see my Dad one more time. To hold his hand. To touch his face. To hug him and tell him i love him.
    I still wish i could trade places with him. He didn't deserve to die, and most certainly in such an undignified manner. I hate my self to this day for not doing more. For not looking after him better. I'd just come out of hospital though, i was 18 and weighed 6 stone.
    If heaven had a staircase, i could climb up,and if i could bring him back i would, and then i could end all of this pain.

    Oh dear......
    ..................i've had too much time to think over the last few days- that's the flu for you.

    SKYE STRACKE: THIS GIRL IS SO BEAUTIFUL.


Friday, 09 October 2009

  •  Feeling rubbish, still. My weight's down though, that's the important thing. The only good subsequence from having the flu. I made smoothie yesterday- looks like vomit but tastes delicious : ) I wish it wasn't so cold- my house is like a fridge at the moment. But you burn more calories when you're cold so i'm not putting the heating on yet.

    Maria Carla Boscono:

    mboscono_profile1 MariaCarlaBoscone-JuergenTellerGoSees mariacarla 815_32_mariacarla-boscono-z-b-26

    Natasha Poly:

    0907jd_npoly420 196_9639natashapoly 000natashapoly 00Natasha_Poly_1_0_0_0x0_340x556

Wednesday, 07 October 2009

  • I have a virus and PMT and i'm huge. I'm pretty sure i've missed a period, and my boobs appear to have grown which is making me wonder if i am pregnant.

    I hope not, oh God i hope not. My boyfriends being a dick again at the moment. He doesn't care about me. I could hardly move last night, i was in so much pain- all my muscles ( I HATE being unwell) and he didn't care. All he cared about was having a joint. I aked for a hug and he completely ignored me. Didn't ask me how i was this morning. Just obsessing about work again. I don't need this and i definitely don't deserve it.

    I've taken a load of laxatives. I wish i didn't exist.

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bambi_eyes182

  • Visit bambi_eyes182's Xanga Site
    • Name: Kate-Marie
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 10/5/2006

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About Me

  • I am not pro-ana, i have had anorexia and bullimia since i was 15, so nearly 7 years. I'm super nice so feel free to talk to me.

Pulse

  • Fat, anxious, worried,confused...just a normal day then i guess. I wish i wasn't in England, i wish i was in a magical place- paris

To do list: (1)

  • bambi_eyes182
    1. Get to 7 1/2 stone 2. Stop being unhappy 3. Go horse riding again 4. Go shopping for summer clothes (yay!!!) 5. Get my textile design company up and running.
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